 Photo Credit: loveisinmytummy.com "Choosing to be positive and having a grateful attitude is going to determine how you’re going to live your life.” – Joel Osteen I think it is easy to get caught in the cycle of feeling bad for ourselves. We start to go down the path of pessimism and wonder why 'things' keep happening TO us. We feel deflated and helpless, think 'why me' and even throw ourselves pity parties. We start to give negative or neutral/ negative responses like "It's going" or "It's ok." We see ourselves as a victim. Negative self talk is easy, comparison is easy and being unforgiving is easy. I'm going to encourage you to STOP.
There is ALWAYS someone that has it harder than you and is going through more than you are going through. I do feel it is important to be empathetic and I am not downplaying what people are going through/dealing with, but I do believe that people have the tendency to feel sorry for themselves. I believe it all comes down to perspective, and often we need to shift our perspective. What is perspective? Perspective is the way that one looks at a situation, circumstance and/or an occurrence. I want to discuss how to maintain a healthy perspective, the importance of gratitude, and some tips to support a positive perspective. A Healthy Perspective A healthy perspective, I believe, begins and ends with faith. This is not necessarily suggesting faith in a spiritual context, but instead having a moral and ethical foundation and compass. For us, it has been through the development of a strong spiritual foundation, however, that has enabled us to grow in other areas of our lives as well. A healthy perspective allows us to have inner peace. It has also been a good interpersonal network that has provided the proper environment to have a growth mindset despite circumstances. Having self-compassion, proper expectation and practicing gratitude on a daily basis are keys to maintaining a healthy perspective. When we have a healthy perspective, we can assess situations more accurately and make decisions quicker. This helps to see what is happening in context. Developing a clear vision and a good planning process enables us to make better decisions and adjust when things go awry. A couple of things that have helped me along the way is having a clear vision statement and long term goals to maintain the proper outlook. Gratitude One of the most helpful practices that has assisted me in maintaining a proper, healthy perspective is gratitude. Implementing a daily gratitude practice helps to maintain positivity and purpose. Robert Emmons, Psychology Professor and Gratitude Researcher at the University of California-Davis, explains that there are two key components of practicing gratitude:
Tips Here are some practices that can help you maintain a positive perspective in your life: - Have a daily gratitude practice - Start a mindful minute - Record positive self-affirmations - Have a regular physical activity regimen - Keep a journal - Take time for reflection - Write about thoughts, feelings & emotions - Read daily, especially literature that focuses on intentional areas of growth - Listen to positive audios/podcasts - Find music that is positive & uplifting - Meditate - Focus on self care - Invest in counseling - Find a mentor/guide that you can mastermind with "Gratitude is one of the most powerful human emotions. Once expressed, it changes attitude, brightens outlook, and broadens our perspective." -Germany Kent Greatness is a choice so is perspective. With love, Amanda & Brandon
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 Photo Credit: rhondacooper.org General Electric is widely regarded as the first company to established a culture around SMART (Specific, Measurable, Achievable, Realistic, Timely) goals. As a result, they had numerous portions of their company grow at an unprecedented rate. What most people don’t know, however, is that there were other sectors of the company that struggled greatly with SMART goals. This isn’t because they didn’t know how to implement them, on the contrary it was because they were so focused on hitting their SMART goals that they were setting the bar too low. You know these people, the ones who write something down on their to-do list after they have already completed the task just so they can get the satisfaction of crossing it off. Heck, maybe you are one of these people. This is the byproduct of never setting audacious goals. Goals that stretch you to the limit. Goals that make you reimagine what is possible. The rub in all of this is that both SMART goals and audacious goals are important if you want to create massive success.
Fortunately for General Electric they had legendary CEO Jack Welch at the helm who realized that something was amiss. While on a trip to observe the operations of various companies in Japan, Jack Welch learned of how the engineers behind the famous Japanese Bullet Train were constantly stretched by their superiors to build something that they thought was physically impossible. The result of this constant challenging of what was possible combined with the SMART goal approach is what helped them to create a train that could travel twice as fast as any developed previously (over 120 mph). The setting of audacious goals and stretching of what they thought was possible, was exactly what these departments at General Electric were missing. Jack Welch came to the realization that SMART goals were only one half of the puzzle and that his company needed to take the lid off of what they thought they could accomplish, set more audacious goals, and then combine them with the SMART strategy to systematically move themselves towards what they previously thought was unattainable. The result? Over a decade long dominance in the market as one of the most valuable companies in the world and Jack Welch being named by Fortune magazine as the “Manager of the Century.” So why do we share all of this with you? It’s simple, the same goal setting strategies that helped General Electric can be applied in our lives as well. At the end of the day, a major corporation is just a bunch of individuals who have their goals tied into one another. We find that people are generally good at employing one of these two strategies but rarely combine the two like they should. Most people are either setting big goals, talking a big game, and then never developing any sort of daily rhythm to systematically work towards them, or they are setting goals that are so easy to hit so that they can feel good about completing the task that they never actually get anywhere. The magic is in the combination of the two, but here is the rub: it is going to take more intentionality and focus to do both of these together than to do them separately. So even though much more energy is going to be required of you, it is also one of the most important things that you can invest that energy into in your life. Having a mentor who has either already achieved the goals that you are looking to achieve, or is at least further down the road towards achieving them, will give you a leg up in setting these goals and also greatly enhance your chances achieving them. Don’t allow yourself to go week after week, month after month, and year after year of your life not accomplishing the things you ultimately want to achieve. Dream big, set incremental SMART goals, and find a mentor to guide you. These are critical factors in helping you take the steps toward creating ultimate fulfillment in your life. You've got this. With love, Brandon & Amanda  Photo Credit: 80000hours.org I was recently listened to an episode from Simon Sinek's 'Optimism' podcast and he said something that really got me reflecting. Paraphrasing, he said, "There is this entire section of the bookstore called 'Self Help' and not a single section called 'Help Others.' We are all so obsessed with trying to find that elusive thing called 'happiness' that we aren't reading books on how we 'can be happy' and impact other people." I thought this was so powerful. A while back, I wrote about why people should stop chasing happiness and instead start seeking fulfillment. Our belief is that the greatest path to fulfillment is serving, helping and impacting others. This is not a destination, it is a journey; it is an infinite game. If you want to create and ultimately leave a legacy, your work is never done.
In Simon Sinek's book, 'The Infinite Game," he discusses that in an infinite game, you can change the rules, help other players and evolve together instead of trying to hold each other down. Simon Sinek explains the five essential practices to adopting an infinite relationship:
These are really good reflection pieces to make the shift from a finite to an infinite mindset. That evolution takes time and takes intentionality. That evolution encourages us to clearly define our values, mission and purpose. When we operate in alignment with our values, mission and purpose, we can start to move towards a 'help others' paradigm and away from a 'help myself' commonality. "When your life gets to the stage of being mindful and concerned with impacting and blessing lives, then you are pursuing wholeness as an individual." -Sunday Adelaja, The Mountain of Ignorance Don't get me wrong, I'm a believer in personal development. I also believe, however, there has to be purpose-driven action; there has to be service to others, or we simply become constipated with information, but lack the application and intention. Society has built this very numbers-driven, results oriented, question/answer approach. We are pushed to focus on the finite instead of the infinite. If we are aligning values, mission and purpose with our activity, our journey and our processes; I believe, we can find much more joy and fulfillment in life. Ask yourself:
"In weak cultures, people find safety in the rules. This is why we get bureaucrats. They believe a strict adherence to the rules provides them with job security. And in the process, they do damage to the trust inside and outside the organization. In strong cultures, people find safety in relationships. Strong relationships are the foundation of high-performing teams. And all high-performing teams start with trust." -Simon Sinek, The Infinite Game Culture = Values + Behavior When we focus on relationships, built on trust, integrity and transparency; the shift becomes more clear from 'me' to 'us,' from 'help myself' to 'help others.' Enjoy the journey, Brandon & Amanda  Photo Credit: cdn1.neurohacker.com Recently I posted an Instagram Reel on Brandon and my approach to setting goals on an annual business and what that process looks like. I had some people ask about it, so I wanted to give some more content to readers. To preface, we don't just set annual goals, we look at these different aspects monthly, weekly and in a lot of instances, on a daily basis. I do understand that setting goals at the New Year is cliché, but for us, over the past 10+ years, it has been a paramount reflection exercise. Also a disclaimer: our approach may not work for you, this is what works for us. I am merely sharing our strategy and mindset.
Every New Years Eve, Brandon and I sit down and have a quality conversation and self analyze our previous year's goals. We look at which goals were wins for us and which provide an opportunity to grow or reset. We are a bit old school with this, but we physically write out our goals on paper and color coordinate it. We do that so that we can post our goals on our vision board. This puts our goals out in front of us and serves as a daily reminder. Now, we work to set goals for the next year. We always start first with writing down our personal vision and mission. This is critical, so that we can align our goals with what we are ultimately looking to create. We set specific goals in 10 areas. In each area, we set 1-3 subgoals. We look at:
Regardless of what areas you may choose to set goals within, write them down. We believe it is important to internalize your commitments. I frequently share that change is inevitable, but growth is optional. We encourage people not to mindlessly let a year pass by, but get strategic and systematic about what you are looking to accomplish. “By recording your dreams and goals on paper, you set in motion the process of becoming the person you most want to be. Put your future in good hands—your own." -Mark Victor Hansen We wish you and your family an abundant New Year. Happy Holidays, Brandon & Amanda Wood  Photo Credit: reward-strategy.com The predominant thought amongst many immature individuals who are success-driven in their given field, is that ultimate success will require them to be cutthroat and emotionally detached from those around them. This couldn't be farther from the truth. It is possible to hold high standards for yourself and others while still treating people with the respect that they deserve. This is much easier for us to wrap our minds around when we understand that while people do have unequal value in the marketplace (i.e. education, experiences, etc...), we are all of equal value has human beings.
Think about the last time you felt anger or hatred towards someone. This occurred because internally you were dehumanizing them. You likely boiled them down to a certain set of actions they took or things that they said. You then established a story in your mind about who they were and came to the conclusion that they were internally "bad." Humans can only feel real hatred of people they are dehumanizing in their heads. It is when we are reminded of the full humanness of someone that the hatred fades away and empathy begins to pour in. Empathy does not mean agreeing with everyone or their actions. And just because we are empathetic towards others does not mean that people won't cast judgements on us...no matter how unfair they may seem. The only way to avoid shade is to never go outside. Don't let other people's shade prevent you from stepping into your destiny. As important as identifying what you want to accomplish is determining WHO you want to be. When you know who you want to be, the path to what you want to accomplish becomes much more clear. We believe that if you are acting out of your true self, and leading from the heart, you will create a much bigger impact on the world around you. This is the way to living a fulfilling life, regardless of what you are called to do. So while we all crave success in our endeavors (whatever that definition means to you), HOW we arrive at those destinations in life and the way that we treat people along the way are just as important. Set boundaries, establish your standards, but always remember to lead with empathy. With love, Brandon & Amanda  Photo Credit: tlnt.com “Success is not final, failure is not fatal: it is the courage to continue that counts.” –Winston Churchill Growing up, I had this perception that either your a success or your a failure. I spent my childhood pursuing avenues/ ventures that I was good at and really avoiding what I was not good at. This is human nature. Failure, however, is necessary for growth. Every failure is an opportunity to get better and grow, especially if you are learning and implementing feedback.
So where does this 'failure is fatal' mentality in our culture stem from? I believe it stems from an unwillingness to change; to shift the paradigm and implement corrective measures. It is easier to remain stuck sometimes than it is to pivot and change. The reality is this: failure teaches you in ways success cannot. It shapes you as a person and makes you more resilient. Failure also teaches responsibility. We become more responsible and aware of our actions and begin to understand the order of consequences. Inc. Magazine wrote an article, "7 Powerful Ways to Turn Every Failure Into Success," and I remember reading this article years back in a time when I needed a 'check-up from the neck up.' I wanted to introduce to you the 7 strategies and how I've implemented them over the past 5-6 years: 1. Mistakes are not a problem, but not taking the opportunity to learn from them is. *SELF REFLECTION has been key here. Not to beat myself up or over-analyze, but to implement better systems and to reset. 2. Be careful how you talk to yourself, because you are listening. *AFFIRMATIONS are a must! One thing that I recommend to people that I mentor is to record 'I am' statements in your own voice and play them to yourself on a daily basis. Literally speak what you want into existence. 3. It's far better to do something imperfectly than to do nothing perfectly. *I stay in ACTION MODE. I believe that an idle mind and body is the breeding ground for negativity and chronic stagnation. I'd rather do something then do nothing at all. 4. We are products of our past, but we don't have to let our mistakes define us. *Get COUNSELING. There is a lot of stigma around 'counseling,' but to be completely honest, you cannot do it on your own. I believe you can't help others if you don't first help yourself. 5. The enemy of success is fear of failure. *CHALLENGE YOURSELF. I'm super competitive by nature and the only way I know to conquer fear is by stretching your comfort zone. Do something, ANYTHING on a day to day basis that challenges you. How can you get 1% better today? 6. Consistent action creates consistent results. *BOOKENDS have changed my life. You can't control what happens everyday, but you can put structure into your morning and evening routines that will set you up for better success day in snd day out. I truly believe that people that fail to plan, plan to fail. PERIOD. You are a product of your habits and systems of implementation. 7. You can't do it alone--and you don't have to. *ACCOUNTABILITY keeps it fresh. Whether it is a gym partner or a mentor, having systems of accountability is key. Brandon and I always say that will power is not on will call. Let's face it, it is easy to make excuses to ourselves. We need people to back us up through successes and through failures. Recently I heard that it is not about becoming the best version of yourself, it is about loving and learning through every version of yourself, so that you can have a journey of growth. Let that sink in. That journey is going to be filled with successes and failures, setbacks and comebacks, positive and negative, but it is ultimately your journey. It is an opportunity to grow into the next version of yourself and still appreciate the last version. Thanks for reading! Amanda & Brandon  Photo Credit: nationalgeographic.com Life doesn't care about the validity or righteousness of your excuses...life is going to continue to move forward regardless of what happens to you. There will be some days on your journey where this statement will ring true more than most. From the seasons of the year to the stock market, life is all about ebbs and flows. The trick for most people is knowing the proper way to react when they are in an ebb or flow. Unfortunately we find that many times people do the exact opposite of what they should do when they are in one of these seasons of life.
Most people make decisions based upon the whims of their emotions in the moment instead of gaining perspective and properly disseminating the correct move to make. Therefore they have a tendency to stop doing the things that were helping them to gain positive traction and now begin to coast when they are on the peaks, and make brash irrational life altering changes when they are in the valleys. Some of the best advice we ever received from our mentors was to never make major decisions when we were on a peak or in a valley in our lives. The practical application of this, however, is easier said than done. So what are things that you can do to help you gain perspective? 1. Think - This is easier said than done. Most people don't take the time to critically think because it's hard. It is important though that you mentally and physically slow down for a moment and critically think through all of the ways that you can proceed forward. This will allow you to see all of your options so you can determine the best path to take. 2. Gain outside perspective from people with the results you want - 'The results you want' is a big key component to that statement. It is easy to gain advice from people who have an emotional tie to us, but it is more important to seek advice from the individual who has the results that we want because they have most likely gone through similar peaks and valleys on their journey. 3. Take action - It's easy to use strategy as a disguise for non-action. Don't allow yourself to indulge too long in the feeling of how great it is going to be. Instead, once you have a plan it's now time to get into the action mode. It's action that makes us intensely happy. It's the pursuit of a worthwhile dream or goal that brings us joy. As General George S. Patton once said: "A good plan, violently executed now, is better than a perfect plan next week." Throughout your life there will be many peaks and valleys that you will go through, but this is also what makes the journey of life so worth it. Without the peaks our valleys would cause life to be and arduous existence, but without the valleys our peaks would not be as special as they are. Whether you find yourself living on "Cloud 9" or stuck in a rut, remember that these are all part of what makes life as beautiful as it is. Then utilize the 3 steps outlined above so that you can move forward in the most efficient manner and create the life that you are looking for. With love, Brandon & Amanda  Photo Credit: nesslabs.com In September, our baby girl turns one. We are fortunate to be able to spend every day with her and have been blessed to see her hit milestones throughout this past year. We wanted to write a post in honor of her first year. There's a quote by Paulo Coelho, "A child can teach an adult three things: to be happy for no reason, to always be busy with something, and to know how to demand with all his might that which he desires." It got us reflecting on how much insight, and frankly foresight, we've developed over the past year. This is 12 life lessons we've observed for these 12 months we've been blessed with this special little lady in our life.
Life Lessons From a One Year Old
Honestly I could go on and on, but I'll just stop here. Becoming a parent, has helped us grow mentally, emotionally, intellectually and spiritually. Truth is, we need her just as much as she needs us. We are lifelong team in each other's growth. We believe we are destined for greatness! “Children are apt to live up to what you believe of them.” –Lady Bird Johnson Thanks for being part of our life, Brandon & Amanda Happy Birthday, Precious Jade! Love, Dad & Mom  Photo Credit: wellworthcowork.com "Imperfections are not inadequacies; they are reminders that we're all in this together." -Brené Brown I've struggled for a LONG time with thinking I had to be perfect. I consistently beat myself up over not achieving a certain result which caused a lot of unwanted stress and worry. To be honest, I never really cared what anyone thought of me; no one could be harder on me, than myself. Perfectionism is defined by setting excessively high, and often unattainable, standards that can be accompanied by an overcritical self evaluation or evaluation of others. In a world that is highly accessible, it is so easy to get this idea of what a 'perfect image' looks like and to get hyper-critical when you don't fit into that mold. This could be in your health, weight, business, marriage, parenting, you name it. I've struggled with comparisons in all of the above. It is a bit difficult for me to be this vulnerable with our readers, but I want to talk about some areas of perfectionism that I've struggled with and how I've learned to have grace with myself.
My biggest pitiful as a 'recovering perfectionist' was that I was highly critical of myself. I would beat myself up for the littlest things and then I would go down the 'rabbit hole' of self deprivation. I've caused a lot of unnecessary stress in my life due to setting unrealistic expectations of myself and beating myself up when I fell short. These expectations of what a person should accomplish in a day were unrealistic for two people to accomplish in one day. Another downfall I've had is what psychologists that have studied perfectionism refer to as an "all-or-nothing' approach. It was very much this '100% or nothing' mentality, to be completely frank, that became an exhausting way to approach life for me. I've also struggled with things having to be done a specific way. As long as something is out of place, it would not be acceptable. Because of that, I found it hard to allow people to do things for me. It would then cause an extreme amount of anxiety when I found it hard to delegate. Lastly, I've had a significant fear of failing. I never felt good enough and I always caused myself internal animosity. Clearly I had a lot growing to do. Thankfully, I wanted to change. As a wife, I've learned that I am enough and I am loved even amidst my imperfections. As an entrepreneur, I've realized failure is necessary to learn and grow. As a mom, I've learned how to 'drum to my own beat' and how to do what's best for the family. As a former athlete, I've learned to appreciate the fitness journey. But the biggest mindset shift was learning to have grace with myself. I stopped comparing myself with this unrealistic version I was creating and to started seeing myself as worthy as I am. I instead started focusing on what my husband and I call 'winning our day' and started focusing on controlling what I could control. I'd like to share a few tips that have worked for me in overcoming unhealthy perfectionism: Tip 1: I've learned to set 'priority lists' instead of 'to-do lists.' I had this unhealthy habit of setting these ridiculous 'to-do lists' that nobody in their right mind would be able to get done. Instead, I learned to set priorities of what needs to be done today verses what needs to happen this week. Tip2: I don't read, listen or participate in anything that is detrimental to my self image. Comparison killed my self-image, so I just decided not to play that game. I've trained myself to be very intentional about what I put into my mind. Tip 3: I focus on positive self- talk. I've said a lot of mean things to myself over the years. I have worked on, and continue to work on, positive affirmations and meaningful self talk. It has made a big difference. Tip 4: I got really comfortable with being uncomfortable. This is HUGE. I'm a firm believer in doing something that scares you on a day to day basis. I am constantly looking for ways to grow my capacity and tackle those daily wins. Starting to come to grips with being an imperfectionist has meant I've had to really work on shifting the paradigm mentally, emotionally and spiritually as well as implementing on new programming. Brandon and I wholeheartedly believe in progression over perfection and enjoying the journey. I hope all of you, like me, can get to the point of appreciating the process of becoming the best version of yourself. Ask yourself: "Am I better today than I was yesterday?" Enjoy the journey, Amanda (Brandon approved 😀)  Photo Credit: forbes.com If there ever was a time when people needed to be able to see the world with fresh eyes, and to approach things in a new way, it’s right now. As people roll off of a semi-isolation, many with a new awakening to the injustices that are happening in the world around them, it’s time to start anew. So where does one begin? The following outlines simple steps that we have used over the years to help us reset in times which we felt like we needed it:
Take the time to sit and THINK about (and write down) what is important to you and what you need to prioritize to amplify your time doing those important things. Now we just lost the vast majority of you right here. Most people don’t invest the time to sit and think about these things because IT’S HARD. Intentionality requires more energy than most people are willing to give so they never even get past this first step. They would rather just go with the flow because in the moment it seems easier, and heck it’s what everyone else is doing, but it comes at a steep price…your desired future. There is a reason that when people on their death beds are interviewed they regret most the things that they DID NOT do, not the things that they may have done wrong. Take the time to figure these things out and gain clarity for yourself. Start with a blank slate and build your day hour by hour to align with the activities in the last step that you determined you need to prioritize. Irregardless of what your days look like currently, start fresh and begin to place the activities hour by hour into your schedule that you need to focus on to move towards your long-term goals. Also, don’t forget to schedule in simple activities like, getting ready for work, eating, sleeping, etc… TIP: Sometimes you need to change your environment to be more productive doing an activity. Have problems reading on our couch because you get drowsy? Try sitting at a table or going to a coffee shop. Find ways to change your surroundings if your current one detracts from your productivity. The goal isn’t to just do an activity, it’s to do it with PURPOSE. Will this require you to wake up earlier? Maybe. Will this mean that you will have less time spent aimlessly scrolling through social media or Netflix? Most likely. Will this begin to move the needle towards you living the life you desire? Absolutely. TAKE ACTION and begin implementing your new daily schedule. All the successful people that we have ever met have a propensity for action. It’s important that you don’t take any more time than you need to get moving. The longer you wait the harder it will become to implement your new schedule. WARNING: Whenever we start anything new there is an excitement and initial inertia that is created from it. But be warned, it is going to take longer than you think and require more of you than you’d like, to generate the results that you want. It’s the combined ingredients of intentionality and consistency fermented over time that creates MASSIVE results. Don’t be the person who is continually pushing the gas pedal to the floor and then slamming on the breaks with their activity. This is both physically and emotionally exhausting and NEVER creates long term success. We truly believe that you can create whatever life you want to create for yourself and your family. We hope that these tips will help you in hitting the reset button in your life so you can either get started on, or go about accelerating the path to making that happen. With love, Brandon & Amanda |